


Where's a CCG Officer When You Need Them smh

by pipsiev2



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Tokyo Ghoul, Attempt at Humor, CCG officer! Minhyuk, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Ghoul! Hyungwon, Ghoul! Kihyun, Ghoul! Wonho, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Kihyun, Platonic Relationships, at least i think they are, i think, jieqiong is just really bored and works with ghouls, lots of cameos, the last three arent really there theyre just mentioned enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 10:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17527148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipsiev2/pseuds/pipsiev2
Summary: Damn, if someone told him an hour ago that he’d be walking home with a hot ghoul who may or may not want to murder his roommate Minhyuk wouldn’t have dreaded his walk home so much.





	Where's a CCG Officer When You Need Them smh

**Author's Note:**

> there's mentions of death of a ghoul by other ghouls near the middle. it's all in one paragraph and it's in one of the paragraphs in parenthesis

Minhyuk’s an idiot and he proudly admits it.

 

Well, okay, so maybe Kihyun’s the idiot, but Minhyuk agreed to getting an apartment in what had to be the most unsupervised place in South Korea. Like, Minhyuk isn’t positive, but he’s pretty sure he actually _saw_ a ghoul eating someone on his way to the apartment, which _really_ says a lot about how much the CCG in South Korea cared about this area, especially considering it’s high ghoul rate.

 

 _“The area around the apartment makes it cheaper, which means that we’ll be saving more for when we move to an apartment in a_ good _neighborhood.”_ Kihyun had said.

 

Lies. All of it was lies.

 

See, there’s a reason why Minhyuk says that _he’s_ the idiot, rather than them. Well, no, Kihyun was still an idiot, but not because of the living situation that they got themselves and Minhyuk into. That, admittedly, was pretty smart of them.

 

Good reasoning, sound logic. Kihyun had a pretty persuasive argument to convince Minhyuk to live here. In fact, Minhyuk thinks that he might’ve moved here with Kihyun even if he _didn’t_ know that his best friend of five years (roommate of three) was actually a ghoul themself, which is the entire reason why Minhyuk said yes in the first place.

 

Did Kihyun _tell_ Minhyuk that they were a ghoul? Oh _fuck_ no.

 

Was Kihyun obvious about _being_ a ghoul? Most definitely _not_.

 

But you know how every friend group has that _one_ observant asshole who knows each and every one of your secrets without you having to tell them, so you’re constantly on edge about what they _actually_ know about you? But half the time you only _think_ they know and don’t actually know if they know and so it’s like a 50/50 chance they do? Yeah, that was Minhyuk.

 

(Kihyun’s given him an award that said “Most Observant Friend.” Hyungwon told them that it wasn’t true, and that Minhyuk wasn’t as observant as they made made him out to be. Jokes on Hyungwon, though, since Minhyuk a) knows that the two of them have been dating for 2 years and dancing around each other since before Minhyuk even _knew_ Kihyun and b) knows that Hyungwon is, in fact, _also_ a ghoul, and a pretty well known one at that. He’s been in the news and everything, dozens upon dozens of reports about “Croaky,” an S rated ghoul, needing to be caught. Minhyuk laughs every time he sees one of those reports.)

 

That’s only _part_ of the reason why Minhyuk, a weak human who can’t even beat Jeonghan or Mingyu (who, in Minhyuk’s defense, are _also_ ghouls, except they actually told him after he mentioned the fact that he was surprised that there was no human arms in their fridge. He was only half joking, by the way (blame Seungkwan for that)), is an idiot. Mostly, though, it’s because he’s a _weak human who can’t beat a ghoul living in a ghoul invested place and is currently walking home alone_ **_extremely late at night_ **.

 

Which, by the way, is _probably_ how he ended up at kagune point.

 

“Oh, pretty.” Minhyuk stares at the area on the ghoul’s mask where their eyes should be. “A friend of mine has a koukaku, too. He’s an ass, though. Hey, if you’re gonna kill me can you at least let me like, touch your kagune first? My roommate and their boyfriend think that they’re slick about being ghouls, so I can’t really ask them, and the friend I just mentioned and _his_ roommate don’t want to enable me.”

 

He can see the ghoul’s mouth flutter open and closed. “You’re not Shark.” They sound confused.

 

Minhyuk shakes his head. “Sorry, buddy. I _live_ with Kihyun, though, so I mean if you wanna kill them can you at least wait until our lease is up?”

 

“I- You- I’m-” The ghoul looks at a loss of words (which, in all fairness, is pretty reasonable considering how hot Minhyuk is). “How did you know I was talking about Kihyun?”

 

“You said that there was a ghoul who goes by _shark_ . Like, you know Kiki, right? You _know_ how particular they get about the fact that they look like a hamster, and how they always keep saying that they look like a shark.” Minhyuk huffs. “Seriously, I can’t tell if they got the name shark from their mask or if they got the mask out of spite.”

 

“Probably both.” The ghoul shrugs. Pauses. Minhyuk thinks that they’re staring at him but he can’t really tell. Can they even see through that mask? It’s so fluffy he can barely see where the eyes are supposed to be.

 

“Can you see in that?” He asks abruptly. The ghoul flinches.

 

“What?”

 

“See. Can you?” Minhyuk tilts his head and analyzes the mask. “What’s it even supposed to be? Sheep's fur or something?”

 

The ghoul tilts their head down. Minhyuk see’s platinum blonde hair. “It’s supposed to be a marshmallow…” They sound embarrassed. Cute.

 

“Cute.” Minhyuk says out loud. Their face jerks upwards. They open their mouth as though to say something, but Minhyuk continues talking, undeterred. “So, is that a yes?”

 

“A- A yes?” They sound confused. Minhyuk tsks.

 

“Can I touch your kagune before you kill me? It’s looks really pretty.” Minhyuk doesn’t actually think that they’re gonna kill him. If they were then they would’ve done it already. Definitely would’ve done it after the sheep fur comment. Wait, actually, speaking of that comment, “Wait if it’s supposed to be a marshmallow then why’s it so fuzzy?”

 

Minhyuk sees them pout. “I’m a soft boy. Why can’t people just let me be a soft boy.” He hears them murmur to themselves.

 

“Kihyun doesn’t let you be a soft boy? Or is it Hyungwon. If you know one then you probably know the other. If not then hey, by the way, your bud Kihyun is dating an S rated ghoul. Most likely. I’m like ninety nine percent positive.”

 

“I’m the one who introduced them.” The ghoul deadpans. Minhyuk smacks his own forehead.

 

“Oh shit, my bad. Nice to meet you, Wonho!” Minhyuk hold out a hand. Wonho steps back in surprise, kagune retreating.

 

Wonho frowns. “You know my name.”

 

“It’s a fake name.”

 

“How would you know?”

 

Minhyuk gives him a blank look. “I’ve heard you talk with Kihyun over the phone, idiot.”

 

“You know I could very easily kill you, right?”

 

Minhyuk widens his stance and spreads out his arms. “Do it, I dare you. You won’t. If you wanted me dead you would’ve done it by now, and I wouldn’t be able to stop you.”

 

“I-” He closes his mouth. Opens it. “Fuck you.” Walks away.

 

Minhyuk stands there for a moment, still in the knockoff t-pose position, when he comes back. “I don’t know where Kihyun lives.”

 

Minhyuk tsks. “C’mere little lost ghoulie, lemme take you to mommy where you belong.”

 

“I’ve never regretted life more than this very moment, and I’m a _ghoul_ for crying out loud.”

 

Minhyuk smiles as brightly as possible. “Good, then that means I’m doing my job right. If I take you to Kiki will you let me touch your koukaku?”

 

“I-” Wonho sighs. “Sure. Thanks.”

 

“No problem!”

* * *

Minhyuk’s expecting a lot of things on the way home, none of which actually happen. Disappointing but not surprising.

 

He expects Wonho to say fuck it and kill him at some point. He expects Kihyun or Hyungwon to come out of nowhere and ask why he has a white fuzzy blob that could murder him in cold blood with him. He expects another ghoul to come out and be like “Why are you casually walking with dinner.”

 

Instead, Wonho pulls off his mask right before they leave the alleyway, which means obviously Minhyuk can’t take his eyes off of Wonho’s face. Minhyuk retracts his hot statement earlier. If anything Wonho was flustered because of how unattractive Minhyuk looks in comparison.

 

“Didn’t your mother tell you that it’s rude to stare?” Wonho turns and raises an eyebrow at him. Hot. Soft, and his face looks like it’s good for squishing, but hot.

 

“My mom told me that one day I would die because of my stupidity and not even God would know where to rest my idiotic soul.”

 

“I-” Wonho’s mouth flutters opened and closed. “That doesn’t sound like something your mom should be telling you, no offense.”

 

Minhyuk waves a hand. “Don’t worry about it, I’d think the same if my mom _actually_ said that to me.”

 

Wonho stops walking and blankly stares at him. “How the fuck does Kihyun stand living with you.” He phrases it like a question, but says it as a statement. Minhyuk cackles.

 

“You say that like I gave Kiki a _choice_.” Minhyuk winks and walks ahead.

 

Damn, if someone told him an hour ago that he’d be walking home with a hot ghoul who may or may not want to murder his roommate Minhyuk wouldn’t have dreaded his walk home so much.

 

(Actually, Seungkwan’s joked about that a lot, as one of the only CCG officers working in the area. Or, well, maybe not joked. It’s _extremely_ possible that he wasn’t joking, now that Minhyuk thinks about it. Especially since he’s friends with two of the area’s hot ghouls. And lives with another two, one of which works _in_ this area’s CCG (not that he was approved). See, _this_ is what Minhyuk means when he says this place isn’t cared about whatsoever by the CCG. Hyunwoo once said that the head of South Korea’s CCG actually told him that him and Seungcheol don’t have to worry about taking care of the ghoul population here, just sit back and relax. The CCG office here is so unkept for that they don’t even have RC scan gates, which is the only reason why Chan and Soonyoung work there in the first place as “security” even though they, themselves, are ghouls. Sometimes Jieqiong jokes that half the CCG of this area is ghouls. Eunwoo tell Minhyuk that she doesn’t think Jieqiong’s joking. Minhyuk believes her.)

 

Anyway, back to the whole ghoul-who-might-want-to-murder-Kihyun thing, Minhyuk has evidence that the two of them are friends. First and foremost, Minhyuk’s heard stories about how Wonho’s introduced Hyungwon and Kihyun. Sure, the entire thing was most definitely a lie since ghouls can’t get drunk, but the fact that they would meet in a bar doesn’t surprise Minhyuk, since there _are_ ghoul inclusive bars in this part of South Korea, which is where they met. He’s pretty sure that Wonho _owns_ one of the bars in this area, probably. There’s been reports of a ghoul bar, anyways. Not that the CCG bothered to check it out, since there’s almost no deaths in this area.

 

(Last time there was sighting of a powerful, bloodthirsty SS rated ghoul in this area they say that the ghoul disappeared to never be seen again. Jeonghan says in a cheerful tone that the area’s ghouls came together to murder them and use their body as food. Mingyu tell him with a straight face that the parts they didn’t eat was used as blood to drink in a local bar. Chan says that him, Seungkwan’s other roommate Hansol, Soonyoung, Jieqiong (who just came along because this place is _boring_ and she wanted a fight), and a ghoul that’s friends with one of Mingyu’s friends named Lisa (Minhyuk isn’t supposed to know that, but like, he lives with two ghoul anyway and the CCG here is shit, so it’s not like he can _do_ something about it, since this also happened like, a year before he moved here) are the ones who killed the ghoul, and they just split it up and gave some of it to the local ghoul hangout. None of this surprises Minhyuk in the slightest.)

 

His second piece of evidence is the fact that he’s not dead yet. Sure, Wonho threatened to kill him literally the second they met, but the fact that he didn’t immediately rip Minhyuk to shreds counts for _something_ , right? _Wait a minute_.

 

“How the fuck did you mistake a human for Kihyun?” Minhyuk watches as Wonho’s face turns red. “Like, I know I’m not a ghoul and all, and humans aren’t exactly the best sources of information on ghouls, but I’m pretty sure the Ghoul Investigator Training Academy isn’t wrong when they say that ghouls have a sharp sense of smell? And you can’t even lie and say that you don’t because I live with _Kihyun_ , who I actively know to have an extremely good sense of smell.”

 

Wonho pouts and looks down. “You smell a lot like them, and I’m pretty sure the hoodie you’re wearing belongs to them.”

 

Minhyuk looks at him. He looks embarrassed. Cute. “Cute.” Minhyuk reaches out and ruffles his hair. “You’re cute. An idiot, don’t get me wrong, but cute.” Minhyuk starts walking again. “Anyway, we probably shouldn’t keep Kihyun waiting for their surprise guest.”

 

“They know that I’m supposed to come over.”

 

“That’s why your initial reaction was to _point your kagune at me_ ?” Minhyuk turns to where Wonho hasn’t moved, eyebrow raised. “Like, I _know_ it’s not because I’m a CCG officer, since you thought I was Kiki. And Kiki doesn’t even know that I’m a CCG officer. I’m pretty sure the _CCG_ don’t even know who the CCG officers are by this point. Did you know I work with ghouls? Reminder: I work in the CCG. There are actual, full blooded ghouls helping run the CCG in this area, it’s great. Why’d you point your kagune at me?”

 

Wonho shuffles where he stands. “I mean, knowing Kihyun they’d, like, try to cut my head off with their rinkaku if I went up to them like that, so.”

 

Minhyuk perks up and goes to grab Wonho’s hand. “Wait, Kiki has a rinkaku? Sweet.” He starts dragging Wonho to the apartment building. “Now c’mon, can’t take forever.”

 

* * *

“How the  _fuck_ did you two meet?” Kihyun’s staring at them (and their intertwined hands that Minhyuk has yet to let go of, despite earlier insistence of Wonho).

 

Minhyuk expects Kihyun’s reaction to be a lot of things. He expects them to be surprised by the fact that Minhyuk met a ghoul who is actively open about _being_ a ghoul, for the most part (which they are). He expects Kihyun to be _mad_ about the fact that Minhyuk met, befriended, and led a ghoul over to their apartment (which they are, but in retrospect it’s their fault that the ghoul was coming in the _first place_ , so Minhyuk claims innocence for that one). He halfway expects to be gutted alive (which _doesn’t_ happen, luckily for them, since he’s pretty sure Jieqiong would love to have some action happen around here).

 

“I almost beheaded a CCG officer on my way here.” Wonho’s looking Kihyun in the eyes. “By the way, I’m pretty sure your roommate has a kagune kink.”

 

Minhyuk rolls his eyes. “Listen, I almost _died_ , okay. I think I have a right to want to look at your kagune.”

 

Wonho turns towards him. “You almost died because I almost cut your head off, you idiot.”

 

“Yeah, by _accident_ . So, really, who’s the _real_ idiot here.” Minhyuk raises an eyebrow. “You didn’t even check to see if the person you were assaulting was the right person.”

 

“In my defense, you smell a lot like Kihyun, okay.” Wonho pouts. “Besides, most ghouls would’ve actually killed you. You’re _lucky_ that I’m the one you ran into.”

 

“ _Please_.” Minhyuk scoffs, becoming increasingly more aware of the concern radiating off of Kihyun. “Most of the ghouls in this area _love_ me. Hell, I even _work_ with half of them, in case you didn’t notice. This place doesn’t even have a CCG, it’s more like a CCT or something, since you can’t really have a Commission of Counter Ghouls that’s halfway _made up_ of ghouls, which I _work with_.”

 

“Uh,” Minhyuk and Wonho both turn towards Kihyun, “what about kagune kinks and CCG officers?” They look lost and confused. Good.

 

Minhyuk and Wonho look at each other. Wonho shrugs, Minhyuk takes that as his cue to start talking. “Well, I was walking home and this guy,” Minhyuk jabs his thumb into Wonho’s chest (not hard, though. If he did it too hard then he’s pretty sure that Wonho’s chest would break his thumb, honestly), “decided to try to threaten me with his kagune-”

 

“Which you ranted about being beautiful before you complained about Kihyun not showing you theirs-”

 

“ _Listen_ okay I have a _right_ to know since I’ve been living with them for over three years-”

 

Wonho throws his hands up. “You’re a CCG officer! You could’ve just looked it up!”

 

“But that’s not fun! And the database of the CCG in this area is shit. Seriously, we don’t even have anything on Hyungwon here, and he used to be part of an organization that’s murdered hundreds of people in Seoul. The most information I’d get is from one of the ghouls in the CCG that aren’t actually supposed to be there.”

 

“What the fuck.” Kihyun sounds sort of scary as they speak. “Is. Going. On.”

* * *

By the end of Minhyuk and Wonho’s roundabout explanation of everything, Minhyuk _really_ hopes that Kihyun never meets Jieqiong. Not because he’s on Jieqiong’s bad side or anything, Minhyuk’s just pretty sure that she’d be bored enough to help Kihyun plot his murder. It’s not like the CCG would stop the two of them, anyway.

 

“So, I’ve been friends with a CCG officer for five years, living with him for three, but didn’t know until today that not only has he been a CCG officer for this entire time, but he’s also known about me and my boyfriend’s secret identities as ghouls for basically the entire time that we’ve known each other.” Kihyun pauses until they receive a nod from Minhyuk. “The only reason why I’m finding out about this is because my idiot friend who introduced me to said boyfriend can’t tell the difference between me and a hoodie.”

 

“I-” Wonho deflates, “yeah, basically.”

 

“At least you know now!” Minhyuk’s trying to be cheerful.

 

Kihyun looks him in the eyes. “Fuck you.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was written in about like 3 different sittings over the course of august 31st to right now, so i'm sorry about anything that seems choppy.
> 
> also the ending's blunt but i thought it seemed fitting. i might write a part two about the ccg shenanigans but idk


End file.
